Effective Parenting For Raising Successful Families

A Bright Future Begins With The Development Of The Child Now

Donovan Grant — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 22:54:00 +0000

A Bright Future Begins With The Development Of The Child Now

By Donovan Grant

“I believe that children are the future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.”

She was one of the most amazing female singers in my lifetime.

Whitney’s own view was “God gave me a voice to sing with” and didn’t she sing!

Just imagine being the winner of 2 Emmy Awards, 6 Grammy Awards and over 170 million record sales. Such a talent.

And of course, we all realise that with great talent comes great responsibility too.

Even though you and I have prayed well wishes to the Houston family there have some hard hitting headlines too: “what a waste”, “messed up” and “absolute tragedy” just to name a few. And these are a reminder that everything was not perfect in Whitney’s life.

What does her passing mean to you? Celebration or commiseration? The thing is this- we can choose the meaning and the headline that makes sense for us.

Isn’t it interesting that most of us have never met her, but it almost feels like one of our own family has left us. Just imagine young Whitney discovering she had such a lovely voice and then being groomed for stardom by her family and friends. As I thought this earlier in the week, the question came to me: “are we raising our children to be the success that God has designed them to be?”

You see success for young people is not just about how many degrees they have, having a great job and earning lots of money. As we saw with our dear sister, there is an inner success that we need to work on too. Do you think it’s important to help your children find and nurture their talents? Me too. In fact this is key to their future achievements. But, what about helping them to feel happy, confident and have peace of mind in their lives? We can’t just hope that they’ll be ok.

In the song the Greatest Love Of All, Whitney left a message with me through the following verse…

“I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier”

Here are a few tips that I’ve learnt in my own life and it is a pleasure to share them with you now…

#1: Children are our future

Have you seen a young person who was worried about their future? It is quite common to meet a young person who needs help identifying career and study choices that match the person they are. When we see this, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and give them a hand. Share with them the value of educating themselves about their character, personal interests, strengths and even their weaknesses.

Let’s remind our children that it doesn't hurt if they feel a bit unsure what the future holds for them. We just need to be there for them. Just like a young singer would need her singing coach to advise her how to be the best singer she can be. One thing for sure is that no matter how it appears, your children want you to help them to shape their future.

#2: Teach them well and let them lead the way

Whether your child is in public school, private school or you are homeschooling, you are their first teacher. Isn’t it true that no one knows your children like you? You’ve seen their struggles, confusions and frustrations in life and in their studies.

We all have a dream of success for our young people. No one wants a ‘failure’ on their hands. Yet one of the beautiful lessons that we can teach as parents is that it is ok to fail. Yes, that’s right it’s ok to fail as long as they learn a lesson and ‘get back up again’. An art of teaching at home is being patient enough to find those teachable moments where your child really shines. If we watch them close enough, they will lead us. Whether it is doing a chore, watching a movie, reading a book or just playing; our children give us the opportunity to make every situation a learning experience.

#3 Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Despite what the media says, being beautiful is not about being a specific size or wearing certain clothes. Being beautiful is about celebrating the unique person we were made to be. Are you a positive role model and a great influence for your daughter or son? When our children become young adults and feel wonderful from the inside, it doesn’t get any better than that!

But let’s be honest, it’ not easy to help children, especially girls to realise their own beauty. And many of us parents struggle with self-esteem, body image and confidence too. Let’s takes it step by step and keep giving supportive messages to make our children aware of what is most important in life. In this exercise, maybe us adults may learn a few things about ourselves as a bonus.

#4 Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

e can’t "make" our children have positive self-esteem. We can tell a child all day that he or she is beautiful, intelligent or talented but he or she won't necessarily buy into the idea. It is far better if we can SHOW them.

How can we do this? Well, we have to lead by example. Wherever we are in the world we need to start by inspiring our children to be proud of their heritage. Let’s face it; the self-worth of our children is a serious subject. As you read this today, many children are in identity crisis. Not because of something they have done, or their friends or even others. But simply because of negative imagery of children that we see in the mass media.

If we do what Whitney said and “give them a sense of pride”, it will make it easier and bring back the laughter and the fun.

Let’s raise boys and girls so they find the beauty in every human being!

With much love,

Donovan Grant

What are your best for preparing children for a bright future? Please share them in the box below.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations. He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com

The 7 Links Challenge – A Blogger’s Journey

Donovan Grant — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 09:15:54 +0000

The 7 Links Challenge – A Blogger’s Journey

By Donovan Grant

Last month was my first year as a playing full out blogger. Having not written much for other people since my poems 1999 I was inspired by my business coach, Sandi Krakowski to get my pen out again.

It has been an awesome year for me because of it and let’s just say that I have got my writing mojo back!! It’s amazing how our natural talents and passions never really leave us; they just lay dormant for a while.

If you do happen to flick through my blog (over 90 articles), you’ll see the journey of work life balance, family challenges, parenting and raising successful families. My blog is always in transition, just like you and I. My goal for 2012 is to move up a notch, get a bit more personal, more focus, more readers, more comments and have more fun!

The Challenge

My great friend Ntathu Allen from the team at The Next Goal selected me as one of her five nominees to take on the 7 links challenge. “To unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavour to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again.”

I love challenges, so I jumped at the opportunity. “Ntathu, thanks for the gift.” It has given me a chance to do something many of us don’t have time to do… reflect on all the achievements (articles) that I have written during the past year.

My role now is to select articles 7 and then pass on the baton to five other awesome bloggers. You can find further details of the rules at The 7 Links Challenge – that was created by TripBase Blog.

Please enjoy my chosen seven!!

From my heart to yours,

Donovan

The Most Beautiful Post

Practical Parenting: Write Something In Your Journal Every Day

Have you ever kept a journal? Do you journal now? This article shares some of the value you get from keeping a journal. Just imagine becoming physically and emotionally happier.

Journaling could be like your personal coach that allows you to review what went well, make different choices for what went poorly, focus on what is coming up in your future and keep yourself on track. This article can help with parenting, diets, relationships, careers and much more.

The Most Popular Post

Many of us have nights of lying in bed, worrying about all sorts of things. Sometimes when we are on the right vibration the answer comes to us. This happened for me when I read the book the War Of Art by Stephen Pressfield. The book inspired me to quit holding back and to express myself fully as a writer.

This article was the translation that was shared with our readers. It was a moving experience to write it, so hopefully it will have some blessings for you too. Living A Dream: The Question Is, Whose Dream Is It?

Read it at your own risk.

The Most Controversial Post

This article ~ Inside A Parents Mind: Making Tough Decisions In Parenting ~ was born out of a challenge we had in our own family. My daughter needed the schools support on an important opportunity and they refused.

In it we share the story of having a distraught 18 year old on my hands and facing the nig parents decision: Do we supporting our daughter or do we trust that the teachers know what’s best. If you’ve faced this challenge before, you will know the heartache that this can cause for your child, you and the teachers.

The Most Helpful Post

Selecting this post was not easy because when I put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) it is my intention to help at least one person. I chose Nothing Works Like Gratitude because this is really the magic ingredient that has helped me out in tough times.

This article presents another view of what it means when someone loses their job. We all know about the pain, worry and self-doubts that can creep in. Well this article shares with you that we really can give a ‘job loss’ situation any meaning that we choose. I wrote this one straight from my heart to yours just to remind you that if you ever face the upheaval of being laid off, to remember that there is still some good in your life. And you still have many things to be thankful for.

The Post Whose Success Surprised Me

The article that surprise me most was ‘Parents Only: The Secret Of The Gap Between Circles’ This article was from a parent to a parent and it reflected challenges that I have experienced while learning and growing as a man, as a parent as a husband and as a friend.

The surprise in this article was the number of silent readers who mentioned how much they could relate. I would even be as bold to say that this article could give you a new perspective on what you really think about yourself. Enjopy the surprise of Parents Only: The Secret Of The Gap Between Circles.

The Post That Didn’t Get The Attention It Deserved

Being a relatively new blogger, I’ve come to realise that getting your blog read by the ideal audience is not always easy. Contrary to the average thinking, it does take a lot of effort. One of my early articles shared a gift about something a lot of people around the world worry about every single day; it is being stuck in a job that they hate, are bored with and ultimately they are unfulfilled.

The article hits you with the question ‘Have You Ever Stayed Awake At Night Thinking About Your Career Change Dreams?’ Grab a cup of tea or coffee and read this one in a quiet moment and just reflect of what it means to you.

The Post I’m Most Proud Of

This article brings a lump to my throat every time I read it. It touches on the story of my baby daughter who passed away suddenly at just three moths old. It was a hard article to write but it was a real release to do so.

In the article I share one of the things that I think parents, can take for granted. You will face a life changing and defining moment at some point in your life. The question is how will you respond. This message is a reminder that life is a journey and not a destination. Keep moving forward.

Please enjoy the article Happy Birthday Princess: Celebrations Are A Big Part Of Parenting.

Nominate Five Other Bloggers to Participate in the Challenge

Are you looking for some good blogs to read?

Look no further!

As I have met so many great writers online, this is definitely the toughest part of the challenge for me. I have selected five writers who I have been following over the past year who bring some really great content. Let’s see what they bring to the challenge

I will now pass the baton on to five great bloggers I have met online who have three things in common. They have quality content, post frequently and they have reader involvement.

Let’s see what they bring to the challenge.

#1: Claudia Loo Travel Writing Pro

#2: Denny Hagel The Missing Secret To Parenting

#3: Carol Rosenberg Giambri Simple Healthy Living

#4: Solvita Bennett Positive Calm

#5: Anastasiya Day AD Virtual Assistance

Congratulations to the fab 5! Be sure to check out these amazing blogs.

What do you think? Share your questions and comments in the box below.

Parenting, Watching, Talking & Doing: Do Children Have Their Own Learning Style?

Donovan Grant — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:57:17 +0000

Parenting, Watching, Talking & Doing: Do Children Have Their Own Learning Style?

By Donovan Grant

Teaching children is very difficult. With a class of 30 children, it can be even more difficult. It’s not just the number of students; it’s the fact that children don’t all have the same learning preferences.

If you have more than one child, think back for a moment to when they were growing up… did they play with their toys in different ways? Did they each enjoy playing with a specific type of toy? I know that my three children had tons of differences in the way they played. This probably explains the squabbles they had when playing too!

Just think for a moment of one of your own fine teachers trying to teach a class of 30 children. We all know that a teacher’s #1 desire is to ensure that every student is learning something. The sad thing is that this does not always happen.

Well let’s face it, some children like to listen, some like to watch and some like doing! Wow, when you have so many different types of learner in front of you it’s got to be hard to keep everyone focused.

Do you know the preferred learning style of your children? Not every parent does.

Trying to find your way through the heaps of advice about how to parent your child can be daunting on the best of days. Sometimes our children suffer and end up lost in many of the ‘new’ ideas and beliefs in learning.

Just imagine if your child has any sort of behaviour that is thought to be outside of the "norm". What would that do to their studies? Well for many children, life would take on new meaning. They’d be given labels that shout out loud ‘learning difficulties!’

On one end of the spectrum you have quiet, shy and reserved and at the other end you get ADHD, ADD and Dyslexia to name a few.

Could it be that we need to stop and say one size teaching does not fit all? Could it be that it’s time to sit down with Sally or Steve and take the time to figure out how they learn best?

The American author and activist Helen Keller was born in 1880 and she was blind and deaf. Bio accounts of her as a young girl told us how she taught herself how to communicate with others but she was frustrated at her limitations and this lead to behavioural problems.

Helen was fortunate to have a personal teacher Anne Sullivan and she quickly learned how to finger spell words. A couple of the first words Helen could finger spell were W-A-T-E-R and M-U-G. The only concern is that she didn’t know what they were. Then one day they were walking by the well house and Anne placed Helen’s hand under the water coming from the pump and spelled W-A-T-E-R. Suddenly Helen got it! The cool liquid coming from the pump had a name. Everything has a name.

Now consider our children who struggle to learn today in a class of 30 students. What if they were taught by connect things that they don’t know to something they already know? Just imagine them having one of those “oh, I get it!” It could change their whole perspective on life.

Can we take a stand and give new meaning to how children learn? Let’s say that every child has the capacity to learn; even the ones with so called learning difficulties.

Watching a son or daughter struggle with learning challenges is painful for any parent. It will take time, it will take energy and it will take financial resources to help a child to learn. The learning for us is that we can’t just leave it to the teachers to teach our children. We have to teach them at home too.

If we can remember to love our child and to hold onto the belief that that every child has the capacity to learn, then it’s possible. We can help to turn the learning difficulties into learning opportunities.

Let’s be our child's strongest advocate and remember the words of Winston Churchil “never, never, never give up!"

Donovan

Final Thoughts

P.s. The topic of this post is likely to generate some strong feelings. For those who are teachers or teaching assistants this may border on heresy. My vision is that recognising some students are struggling to learn is not a bad thing, but rather that it is important to think about how it impacts children to be labelled with "learning difficulties" and what we as parents can do to help draw out their hidden talents.

What do you think? I look forward to your thoughts and discussion. Please leave your comments in the box below.

Inside A Parents Mind: Making Tough Decisions In Parenting

Donovan Grant — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:03:43 +0000

Inside A Parents Mind: Making Tough Decisions In Parenting

By Donovan Grant

Have you ever been told off by your children? Or have your ever told your parents off? If you can hand on heart say “no” to both of these questions then I commend you. If you’re in the “yes” group then join the club.

I am not saying that it’s right but when you hear the words “you are just like the teachers”, doesn’t that cause you any pain? The first thought that comes to your mind is “no I’m not!”

The problem is that teenagers see things through different filters than you do.

Rule #1 in parenting is that there is a triangle between the school, your child and yourself. This triangle is like a bond and when the three sides of the triangle are balanced, and then your child’s education and growth are on track. However, when one side is out of sync it becomes like a soccer team who have never played together before.

Imagine if the teacher is not getting through to your child, the result is the child will not learn. Or what if your child does not put in the required effort, they will most likely fall behind the rest of the class (and maybe even give up)! And what about you the parent; if you don’t support your child and the school, then this may lead to a lack of focus for your child.

Isn’t it great to be an integral part of your child's education?

Just pause for a moment and ask yourself “how am I doing in my child’s education triangle?” If you home school then you’ll be wearing two hats otherwise you’ll just have one role to think about. When you check in with yourself, this helps you to keep the development of the child a priority. And it’s not about being a perfect parent because we all know that perfection is way overrated. What we care about is give our children the best educational start in life.

The regular school program is not the only learning that children need though. They need to develop emotional intelligence too. When children are aware of what their emotions mean, it can help them a lot when challenges come their way.

Just imagine an 18 year old young lady who is in the final year of school studies. She is doing really well in her favourite subject and in the other two, it’s just ok. Mum and dad go to the school for parents evening and the teachers give you the news: “your daughter is on target for ‘C’ at best and she needs to put in extra effort to raise her grades.”

Do you remember being hit with a line like this with school teachers?

Committed parents always try to honour their role and do what is in their power to help a child. We help with homework schedules, we assist in subjects that we are familiar with and we help them to stay focused by removing unnecessary distractions.

What happens when a BIG distraction comes along and messes up your child's studies?

My own daughter was offered a two week work experience at BBC studios in London. She has a passion for journalism and media since about seven years old, so she was super excited about the opportunity. The reality is that she has been writing to them every autumn for the last four years. To say she was bouncing off the walls with excitement is not far from the truth!

Doesn’t something always happen when big opportunities come your way? She had a problem, a big problem at that. She needed to be absent from school for one week!

The school were not happy about this at all. In fact two of her three teachers said something similar to “under no circumstances!”

Of course this posed a big problem for mum and dad… what do you? Support your child or support the teachers.

What would you do?

We believe 100% in the educational triangle and the development of the child comes first for all our children. In this situation, one side of the triangle had to give way to the other two.

“You’re just like the teachers!”

“Under no circumstances!”

The similarity of these two voices was that they both had emotional attachment. My daughter had a burning desire and passion. She saw this as a huge step towards her dream and everything else did not matter. She would not be denied.

The teachers saw a student who was capable and could try harder in two subjects. They want the best for every pupil that they nurture and to them missing nine hours of classroom time would do more damage than good.

Have you had to make a decision with your heart instead of your head?

We spoke to my daughter and to the head teacher to keep the triangle in balance. In the end we went against the schools judgment.

Who knows your own children better than you?

We had to believe in our daughter. She is a spirited young lady but I have never heard her speak so passionately at what the work experience means to her. Her reason was big enough for us to have faith in her and risk the wrath of the school.

Success for the next generation depends on not just doing the things right, but doing the right thing. Let’s do right thing and raise our children for success.

We love to serve you every day.

Donovan

What do you think? Have you had to choose between your child and the school? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Ps. We have since drawn up a commitment contract regarding her focused and no partying study program for the next four months.

Things Parents Do On A Monday Morning

Donovan Grant — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:45:28 +0000

Things Parents Do On A Monday Morning

By Donovan Grant

Are you a Monday morning person? Not everyone enjoys Monday. For many people the thought of commuting on the same train with the same people to the same office just doesn’t offer much joy.

This Monday morning the 8 minute brisk walk to the train station was just that bit brisker because it was freezing! If you can imagine a man wearing a T-shirt, a shirt, a woollen jumper with a thick winter coat and hat, well that was me. My hands were firmly pushed into my coat pockets because I didn’t know where my gloves were.

Have you ever been too cold to think straight?

Well, that’s how it was as I strode down the road. I guess daydreaming would sum up my random thoughts… how many emails will be in the inbox when I log on, have I got any meetings arranged this morning, I hope the train is not late today… and then wham!!

It was almost as if someone shouted “DONOVAN” from across the road.

My attention was totally interrupted by a scene that was totally out of place. A woman was washing her Toyota Jeep by hand wearing what seemed like just a T-shirt and some jogging bottoms. This lady did not have a coat, a hat or any gloves!! “Is she crazy?” then the second thought was “no she’s Super woman”.

Now I don’t know if this woman thought or even cared what other people would be thinking about her and what she was doing. But she was sure giving that car a good wash as I walked by. Oh by the way, it was still only 7:23 am.

Have you ever gone against the crowd and done something that others thought was weird?

This is the thing that I began to consider, isn’t there a bit of weirdness in all of us? As I continued my walk my mind went racing away to find some of my “weird moments”. There was nothing coming from the archives of my mind initially and then all of a sudden, I found a few… I wanted to be a magician when I grew up (really), I went to a strange school because we wore a brown blazer (according to my friends thought) and I became a rugby player when all my friends were playing soccer. I guess these are not crazy weird, but I dig get picked on by friends because of them.

Looking back now, these things were not that big a deal. But when you are a young boy growing up and finding his way in life no one wants to be seen as the odd one out. When a parent tells their son “don’t follow the crowd”; most young boys would be thinking “that’s alright for you to say, you’re not the one being laughed at”.

Could you imagine what it’s like for a child to be the butt of the jokes?

For a young person, being the odd one out is a very uncomfortable position. In fact children can be particularly sensitive to the opinions of their peers. No one wants to feel left out!

Can we help them to create a better picture? If we could help them to find a new meaning rather than just being different could help. We need to teach our children to look within and to find the strengths, talents and goodness that they are blessed with. There’s nothing a parent wants to see more than the development of the child. When we build up and boost their confidence they become more resilient to the bad vibes for others.

Could your child be in need of a kind word today? Take five minutes to sit with your child and compliment them on something that they can do very well. Share with them what makes them so special to you.

The more we share moments like this with our children, the more they will become free in their thinking. And after a while they will be giving new meanings to being the odd one out.

Let’s celebrate the greatness and uniqueness in our children everyday.

It’s an honour to serve you every day.

Donovan

Do you have any tips about raising children with strong character? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Development Of The Child: From Child Failure To Thrive

Donovan Grant — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:38:44 +0000

Development Of The Child: From Child Failure To Thrive

By Donovan Grant

“It’s just not fair!” my daughter yelled aloud. “I can’t pass the driving test so what’s the point in carrying on.”

She didn’t want to discuss the latest failed driving test attempt. Even her instructor was surprised. She can drive! Everything had been perfect during the driving lessons so there had to be another factor.

The official report had the official terms for the failure:

Acting improperly at road junction
Driving too slowly
Failure to move away correctly from statuary positions

This did not help to solve the puzzle. What can a parent do to help in such a situation? When your teenager gives you that look and says “I don’t want to talk about it” it is not fair for us to try and force a confession. We just have to wait for the right moment.

I promised my wife that I wouldn’t jump in, but when you’re a father you just want to a child. You just want to ask some questions and try to make a difference. It’s tough to hold back in a situation like this.

Then your mind starts boggling… Could it a confidence issue? Can’t be, I know how many lessons this young lady has taken; she was ready to pass. She is a good driver! So what has caused her to have two driving test failures? This bothered me.

In fact, this is the same young lady who has been on the theatre stage in front of 100’s of people. The same 18 year who passed the interview to be one of the smiling faces of the soon coming London Olympics 2012. The same person who against her teachers’ belief turned ‘D’ grades into ‘B’ grades in French and maths in less than three months. She is not a quitter!

Napoleon Hill summed it up very nicely "every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success.”

You’re probably thinking, it’s okay saying that to an adult but how can you explain that to your teenager? Good question!

What do you do when your child ‘fails’ and they say they want to give up?

This is a real tough one for us parents to handle. We know there are a lot of factors that may affect what we do to help them.

Could it be that our children’s growth increases when they go through life’s ordeals? If they can persist and persevere through the struggles, then maybe they will learn valuable lessons for life.

Now we all know how painful it is to watch our children go through any worry. We also know that the #1 thing is the development of the child.

I know that my daughter is a hard working, creative and good looking young lady. Like all teenagers she has moments where she talks back too much, talks back too little and times when she is just an out an out brat!

On the whole though, she is a lovely girl and has always been a fun person for people to meet and be with.

So loving parents always consider “what can I do to turn this around?”

The truth is- our question needs to be “what can I do to help my child to turn this around?”

Let’s remember this- our children have to want to make it happen. If they don’t, we are going against their will. And we all know what Benjamin Franklin said “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Have you ever gone through a challenge, where you needed to raise your child’s belief in them self?

It’s never easy to explain to our children “don’t worry, when you get past this ‘failure’ you will become a stronger person.”

My daughter wrote a poem when she was 15 called “Dot To Dot” and in it she says:

“… if the dots were words, a magnificent story they would tell, of aiming high, inspiring and individuality”

The young lady that God gifted to write that poem is not someone with the seed of giving up; this is someone with the seed of joining the dots and making things happen!

As parents, sometimes we need to look back at strengths our children have used in the past and remind them of what they have done and can do. The more we help a child with encouragement and understanding, the more they will develop their self-esteem.

Before I go off to read “Dot To Dot”, I would like you to ponder on this thought….

What is your child truly capable of when you help them to look at failures as feedback rather than a fault in their ability?

Let’s help our children to develop the way they look at the world!

Donovan

What do you think? How do you help your child to bounce back from setbacks and obstacles? What tips would you add? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Ps. My daughter has given me full permission to publish this article and she has enrolled for a new driving test date.

Parenting Problem: Wasting Money Or Wasting Time – Which Is Worse?

Donovan Grant — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:39:39 +0000

Parenting Problem: Wasting Money Or Wasting Time – Which Is Worse?

By Donovan Grant

In today's podcast Donovan shares why parents need to look at how they value time and the opportunities that more time offers. He shares how to assess your time so you can begin to do more of the things you love.

Here are some of the things you'll learn in this podcast:

What time spending and investing is
Why time needs to be on your assets column
Finding where time may be leaking every day
Tips on how to reclaim your time

Do you invest your time? What tips do you have to share about investing time?

Please leave them below.

We believe in you and love to serve you every day.

Donovan

Parenting Problems: Two Dads, Two Coffees And A Dilemma

Donovan Grant — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:10:09 +0000

Parenting Problems: Two Dads, Two Coffees And A Dilemma

By Donovan Grant

I recently met with a colleague, Paul who had just celebrated his first Christmas as a dad. “There is nothing better than spending quality time with my family” were his joyful words.

He had that proud dad look in his eyes. Even though is little daughter is over six months now, he’s still got the glow! We’ve all been there I’m sure!

“That was my best Christmas ever; the only problem is that I had a bad cold for most of it!” Paul stated.

I was thinking this guy never gets sick… “Hey Paul, it’s not like you to pick up a bug, you’re the man with all the vitamins and herbal remedies.”

This is the bit that got me…

“Yes I know. It’s just that I’ve had a lot on my plate at the office and at home at the moment, maybe my body is a bit run down.”

This struck me as a very honest statement. In fact most people probably don’t know their body well enough to tell if they were suffering from stress. This one of the struggles of parenting that they don’t teach you in parenting classes.

Would you be able to tell if you were suffering stress due to overwhelm at work?

Sometimes we just don’t know. One thing we do know is that sometimes you can be just the listening ear that another person needs to share their heavy load.

We continued chatting and without prying with any parenting coach skills, Paul shared what seemed to be a big concern for him.

His manager had been undermining him in front of other personnel and even made comments that were bordering on being rude. Paul, is a calmer than average guy and he had let a lot of comments go by laughing it off. After having the time off and being prompted by his wife, he’s decided that enough was enough. He reached the point where he started to feel anger towards his boss and it was not healthy.

What’s it like for you when you take too much nonsense from you colleagues? What is it that pushes you say “no more”?

You see the thing is, this problem had been play on Paul’s mind for several months and he was hoping it would go away. When we fail to face up to emotional worries, they never really go away. They just tend to fester under the surface until something triggers them again.

Paul was just using me as a sounding board but, because he wasn’t sure how to tackle this issue.

Just imagine if you were the one carrying around thoughts like these:

“What if I speak up about it and the manager starts holding a grudge against me?”

“What if this manager just can’t change his ways anyway?”

“What if he says, that I am overreacting and he didn’t realise that I was so sensitive?”

Paul was stuck alright. All these “what if’s” were eating him up inside!

If you could imagine two middle aged men sitting silently, face to face with concerned looks on the faces that’s how it was for what seemed to be a couple of minutes.

“You can’t change other people Paul… you can only change yourself.”

“Yes, I know that!”

“So what do you want to do?” It’s always easier to ask the questions when you’re not the one suffering, but Paul needed a prod.

“I want to get this sorted out once and for all!”

“Well you need to know what outcome would be ideal for you. You’ve got to start with what you want a victory for you to look like.”

Paul and I discussed his options that included:

Confront the manager directly
Give the manager some subtle hints
Discuss the problem to human resources or another manager
Wait and see if it sorts itself out.

Paul came to the conclusion that he did not want to cause any undue problems as he was looking for a new job in another department anyway. Although he was stressed out about the situation, he decided not to take it any further unless another incident occurred. He would continue to act in a professional manner with the manager and hope that there are no more problems with him.

Have you ever been in a tough situation like this one? If this problem came your way, what would you do?

It makes you wonder, how many parents carry stresses like these around with them every day. It’s never easy to know what the right thing to do is. No matter what, you always need to start with the question “what is my desired outcome?” When you make a clear statement of what you want, then it’s less of a challenge to know the steps that you need to take. And remember sometimes, you may need to be like Paul and just ride through the storm.

Let’s stay honest and true to ourselves always!

I believe in you.

Donovan

Have you face a dilemma at work that caused you unnecessary heartache. We would love to know how you faced up to the challenge. Please leave a comment below because your story could be just the thing to help another person get the breakthrough that they need right now!! Sharing is caring!

Just Checking In With You?

Donovan Grant — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:50:54 +0000

How Do You Celebrate You Small Wins?

Watch the video below and then leave a comment below to share your tips.

Leave a comment below and let us know how you are getting on!

Every Blessing.

Donovan

Parents Only: The Secret Of The Gap Between Circles

Donovan Grant — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 23:39:38 +0000

Parents Only: The Secret Of The Gap Between Circles

By Donovan Grant

Have you ever found yourself winning in life and you didn’t know why? This happens for many of us from time to time and it feels real good.

The opposite of this is when you miss your targets often and you just can’t put your finger on the reason. This can be enough to knock anyone out of their stride.

When we don’t achieve our goals, this can happen for many reasons. For instance, the goal was not interesting, there was no fun aspect to it, you didn’t allow enough time for it to fulfil or sometimes, it wasn’t your goal in the first place – it was someone else’s!

Now some people may have turned around and said “you haven’t got the will power to succeed”. And you may have even agreed with them. You may have even said to yourself “maybe God didn’t have a plan for me to have to achieve this!”

From one parent to another, have you ever thought this to yourself? Sometimes, we can truly be our own harshest critic and come out with words that out of our normal character. It’s even ok to knock ourselves once in a while. The key thing is that we can catch ourselves in the act and say “hey! Don’t go there, you were born to win!”

For the majority of people the environment that they have grown and lived in shapes their beliefs about them can and can’t do. This got me thinking… if someone is keen to sets goals and take action, yet they fail time and time again what could be another reason be for the failure? Could it be that their self-image is rejecting the goal? Could it be that their self-image is denying them the chance to be successful?

Now you may wonder, what the heck is my self image? Good question!

Just imagine looking into the mirror in your bedroom and ask yourself “what do I really think and feel about myself?”

The ‘gut feel’ answer that you first come up with will give you a good idea about your self image. It’s not just at conscious level, what we are talking about is at a deep rooted subconscious level. The thing is that most of us are not even aware that a lot of what you and I do is because of what we think about you and me! What?

Just suppose you were to draw a big circle and this circle represented your LIFE. Then you drew an even bigger circle around the first one so you have a gap in between the two.

The outer circle represents the YOU and your current results; success and failures, likes and dislikes and all the personality traits that people know you by.

The inner circle represents the REAL you. The creative, outgoing, confident, unstoppable and never say die you who is fired up for success and achievement. Just waiting to be set free!

So why is there a gap? The gap is the difference between who you appear on the outside and the person that you really meant to be. The difference between where you are and where you could be. The difference between what you think about yourself and who you really are!

Allow me to make a full disclaimer here:

We all have a gap between our two circles in life!

It just that many of us have never looked at life in this way ever before.

Have you ever felt an urge inside you wanting to live a richer and fuller life? Me too!

Maybe no one has ever said this to you before, but please allow me to be a friend from afar “it’s time to bridge the gap!”

I don’t know what the goal is that you are pursuing right now, however I know that “you can do it!”

You see the thing is your dream is calling you. It calls you because it’s from your heart and you were designed to be more. Your current self image portrays what you think to yourself and the world. If it’s not what you want, it’s time to bridge the gap.

Are you ready to start building the bridge and release the person that you were designed to be? Let's start building together today!

Here’s a question to help get you started:

What would it mean to you and for you being able to live a life of meaning and purpose and making a living doing what you love?

I believe in you and your dreams.

Every blessing.

Donovan

Connect with Donovan on Twitter @donovangrant.

How do you keep focused on your goals? Do you have any goal achievement tips to share? Please leave your comments below.