Have You Got A Secret To Relaxed Parenting?

By Donovan Grant

Parenting is a fabulous journey that lasts a lifetime. That’s right. Unlike what the government tells us, just because our children become reach the age of 18 years old doesn’t mean we stop being a parent. It’s a job for life.

Now if someone were to serve 18-20 years in a job (is a miracle in today’s market), they would be given a ton of awards. So with that in mind, shouldn’t parents get rewarded for serving their children for 5, 10 or 18 plus years?

One of the things that we all discover sooner or later is that parents get tired! Mums get tired and dads can get tired too. As much as we love our sons and daughters, they can place a lot of demands on us. Sometimes our mental energy gets drained, sometimes physical and more often than not our emotional energy is tested to the limit.

Do you ever felt tired as a parent?

If you answered “no” to that question, then fair play to you.  And if you answered “yes” then just know that you are in good company and there’s no need to feel guilty about it at all. Instead of that, it could be a good time to ask yourself “is it time for me to refuel and recharge?” Now matter how well intentioned you are, you deserve to have a break.

Just for a moment imagine that you had a nice house with a pretty garden and you installed a new water butt to collect all the rainwater that fell on the roof of the garden shed. Every time it rains the barrel gets topped up and every time you water the flowers you take the water out. What would happen if there was a drought in your city and it didn’t rain for a long time? Eventually the water would run out apart from the residue at the bottom of the barrel.

So speaking of using a lot of energy, if parents are pouring out tender loving care on a daily basis it’s really important for them to keep topping themselves up. Are you refuelling and recharging on a regular basis? Please lean in and read the next sentence carefully “even the most devoted and enthusiastic parent needs to stop and refuel.” Let’s face it; you’ve earned the right to put your feet up from time to time. If you find that you don’t feel like ever taking a break, you may just need to ask yourself “what’s stopping me from taking time out and refreshing myself?”

It’s so easy to get stuck on the parenting treadmill and just keep on doing things. But remember this- it doesn’t have to be a big old affair. Just scheduling some regular “me time” where you can read, listen to some favourite music or watch a movie could be all it takes to get you back on track.

The benefit of taking time out is that you restore and replenish your spirit. In the end you will feel better, look better and you will be better. The spinoff is that your freshness will rub off on your family too. Even if they don’t mention it, they will taste that happy feeling just from being around you.

Will it make your children better children? Well we can’t promise that, because children will be children. But when we as parents take the time and space we need it helps us to see parenting through fresh eyes with greater composure and even more fun.

So how would you choose to recharge?

Here’s an idea for you to do this very evening… brew yourself a cup of your favourite herbal tea and curl up in a quiet corner with a pen and a notebook. Then make a list of all your favourite activities that you could do to help recharge. And then start scheduling them throughout your week.

There are so many different ways of relaxing that you're bound to come up with some really good ones that work for you.

Remember this- Never wait for a crisis and then try to use meditation or some other method to help recover. It won't work like a headache pill. Parents need to truly make relaxation a daily habit.

Let’s keep raising wholesome families for successes!

I believe in you.

Donovan

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com 

What an eye opener for parents!!

By Donovan Grant

Just like a mirror’s reflection, our shadow only shows us how we appear at that time. The spotlight shines on you and your shadow is cast for all to see. Sometimes it can look tall and confident, sometimes feint, tired and other times your shadow could doing some fun stuff.

You were born to win

Your shadow, even with its ability is unable to reflect how you feel on the inside. It can’t portray what's on your mind, in your heart and in your soul. Only you and your God know that.

Do you ever catch yourself asking “am I born to be more than I am being today?”

Many parents ask themselves this question. As much as our children become the lovely jewels in our lives, we still have our own lives to live too. Yes, the development of the child is part of our success as a parent, but what about your own growth?

A shadow of your former self

A reminder normally comes when you speak to an old friend that you haven’t been in contact with for a while. The conversation goes well until they say those words “you are not the person you once were!”

Now for most people when they hear a phrase like this, it could be quite hard hitting. Your friend may have use it as a passing comment; but what they didn’t realise is the impact such a comment could have on you.

Self-searching questions like:

“Not the person I once was what does she mean by that?”

“Maybe I’m not living up to my potential”

“Perhaps I really am looking a bit poorly these days.”

A wake up call

Remember this- it might just take a friend’s wake up call to remind you of your own unique gifts and talents. That gentle prod that says “there is more to come.”

Beginning a family is just the starting point for many changes in life. As our children grow up and life begins to normalise, it is not unusual for mum or dad to be concerned with the issue of “how I will balance my desire to be a great parent while also still having a life?” 

This is never an easy question for you to answer, but when it springs to mind on more than one occasion, it pays to give it some attention.

What are you like when it comes to thinking about your own future? Do you find it hard to focus on you?

I’ve found that often when it’s a struggle to make decisions about my goals; it’s usually caused by lack of focus. Sometimes the hustle and bustle of parenting and life in general can get so much that the thoughts about dreams and future plans get pushed to one side. Well let’s face it, how can you expect to think about your unique skills and talents when your mind is all fuzzy with all the ideas going on.

Time to focus on you

Just imagine using a calculator to figure out a tricky maths sum. If the calculator already had numbers held in memory, you’d end up with the wrong result; or even memory overload. But, now suppose that you had cleared the memory first and then did the calculation. With a clear memory, the calculator gives you the right results.

So what’s this mean for you and me? Well one for sure is that when we focus one what’s important in our life, it makes it easier to make decisions. What would change for you if you were to clear your memory of some old stuff before you can create new plans? My hunch is that it could actually be a life changing moment and could be like lifting an enormous weight from your shoulders!

The real story is that we can all have raise loving families and live our own dream if we focus on what’s important. Take a moment to ask yourself these questions.

“What am I really good at?”

“When have I been at my most creative?”

“What’s been missing in my current roles or job?”

When we focus on what we can do we go from okay to excited. We have greater confidence, make better choices, and set ourselves up to live life to the full. The obvious question then is, “What about raising my family?” Answer: if you are happy with your life the family will be happy too.

We don’t pretend that it doesn’t take effort to raise a family, but we certainly don’t make our family become like a total energy drainer. The family is in fact your energy source that makes everything that you do and everything that you become worth it. The family will be the ones standing and cheering “go on mum” and “go on dad!”

All parents really want the most out of life and out of our families too. Can we do a better job of using our energy for both causes? I know we can. Identify what you want and then make it happen. Go live a life that others will be amazed at.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com 

Quit Stressing Yourself Out At Work And Release

By Donovan Grant

It’s hard to know the impact that work stress has on parenting and in your family at home. Let’s face it; stress is like a thief in the night. It creeps up on you step by step and the minute you let your guard down, it bites you it the butt.

We’ve all been there… too much work to do, constantly on the go with the family and some people get stressed out performing and trying to look good in the hope that someone notices how good you are.

It’s hard to say whether 21^st century parenting is any harder than the 20^th century, but it sure is common to hear about colleagues who are in pain from stress. Did you know that stress can cause us physical and emotional problems? Have you ever suffered tiredness, headaches or general muscle tension for no obvious reason? Well my friend, it could have been caused by stress.

Here’s a great example of the see-saw of work, life and parenting- Just last Wednesday I had one of the best days ever! Everything went according to plan. Meetings were win – win. Emails in the Inbox had been filed or responded to and everything on the TO-DO list was done!!

Call me a ‘show off’ if you must but that was a one in a million day. In fact when was the last time you had a really amazing day? Now you may be one of those lucky ones who always has a great day, but sadly too many of us this is really a rare occurrence.

Would it surprise you to know that about a third of the work force is living with extreme stress every day? That’s right, 33 out of every 100 people you meet are suffering! It surprised me too!!

The funny thing is that my great day contrasts in a big way to what happened to me a couple of days before. Worked late again… on another project in the urgent and important box. One of the tough jobs in parenting is making the phone call home to share the bad news:

“Hi honey, how are you and the kids? I’m going to be home late tonight, catch you later.”

I don’t know about you, but I do not like making those calls. Your spouse may not complain about it; however you can sense the disappointment in their tone.

But here’s the thing that startled me the next morning. I was sat at my desk about an hour into the day and a text came in on my mobile phone:

“Hi Don, hope work is ok today because you seemed really stressed when you rang yesterday. Love Jen.”

How did she know? There I was trying to be the macho father not sounding disappointed about having to work late and my wife saw right through it.

Here’s the truth… as much as you try, you can’t hide stress from people that know you well. There is no denying it.

Let me ask you a question, if you’ve completed a full day’s work at the office and you find yourself having to work on for a few more hours, where would you rather to be ‘at home’ or ‘at the office’? Let’s assume that you said at home. If you have children at home you’ll know the disruption it causes when mum or dad comes home late again.

So, how can you tell if you are a sufferer? Well we all react to stress in different ways. Some people say it has a negative impact on both their personal and professional lives. Others report that it becomes difficult to manage work and parenting responsibilities and some act out of character and even have regular arguments with people close to them. With this in mind, wouldn’t it be useful to be prepared for when it comes your way?

These days we all need a variety of ways to distress, things that we can do to get us back on track (that don’t cause us to regret it later). What works for you? Reading a nice book, preparing your favourite recipe, listening to your favourite Whitney track, a walk in the park or even a nice long soak in the bath? There are a ton of things to choose from. Maybe you can just experiment and do something new!

If you’ve been feeling more work stress than normal as of late, then you might just want to look into your tactics for coping. It could serve you well to be open to finding new ways to rest, relax and recuperate.

Let’s take five minutes today to think of at least seven ways you can find to relax and release yourself from stress. You owe it to yourself.

I believe in you and your family.

Donovan

What do you think? Have you discovered any cool and creative ways to relieve stress after a tough day at work? Tell us in the comments box below!

Parenting News: Uncommon Education Comes To London

By Donovan Grant

My son and I attended the recent opening of a new Saturday school in Croydon, South London. The school has the interesting title “Uncommon Education.”

The title struck a chord in me because the word uncommon does get the mind boggling – different, curious, abnormal (above normal).

The founder of the school Alison Johnson had this vision to share with us “Our school aims to provide an environment that fosters high self esteem and provides a holistic teaching and learning experience.” This motto got me excited because this is so on target with our vision for what today’s young people need to succeed. Just imagine for a moment… if we can help the child in their whole life rather than just their academic studies, surely this will develop an all round successful and confident child.

It was real fun to join in the fun on this launch day! The best part was meeting the interesting and likeminded people that had assembled for a couple of hours. Teachers, Nurses, Counsellors and just mums and dads all focused on the same important mission – the development of the child. The warm feeling and buzz in the school was enough to remind us all that there is power in unity.

Girls in trouble?

We met a 25 year old young lady who had graduated from university and was creating her own business in teaching and personal development. Her area of focus was raising the aspirations and results of girls and young ladies.

“Donovan, while everyone has been focused on boys underachieving and falling behind; the girls have been neglected. It’s important that we focus on the girls too!” What a powerful statement! In fact, I think she has found some uncommon thinking here too. Have you ever thought about girls being left out? The thing is– I’ve got two daughters under 23 and this topic is a major concern for me too!

Do you have daughters? Do you think girls are being neglected by the – let’s help the boys out way of thinking?

Are you involved?

I don’t know about you, but my belief is that girls need our time and commitment too. Speaking from a father’s perspective the one thing that I find absolutely essential is a simple yet common theme and that is to be involved! Let’s face it, we are not able to predict the future; however a lack of involvement in the growing up of your daughter is likely to have undesired results. You may think the challenges of being a 21^st century parent are scary, but without a doubt the cost of not being actively involved are even scarier.

Just imagine you were an artist moulding and crafting a statue in cement. You work hard to make all the tweaks and changes before the cement sets because once the cement sets, it’s too late to make the same impact. The same is true for raising our daughters, we only have a brief time to help mould their lives, and then it is too late. And of course if we don’t help them, they will find help and influence from elsewhere outside the home. You and I both know that most of these may well carry a huge cost.

Can you help a daughter out?

From one father to you, please remember that the father-daughter relationship is a key to a future happy woman's heart. All fathers, or potential fathers, should realise what a weighty responsibility we have for these young lives, and just how much we are needed to help mould them in a empowering way.

The takeaway: Let’s focus on our daughters too!

What do you think? What have you learned through your experience of raising daughters for success? Leave your questions and comments in the box below – we love hearing from you.

Remember to Connect with Alison and find out more about the Uncommon Education Saturday school by clicking here

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com

Breaking Out Of The Old Parenting Mould

By Donovan Grant

Have you ever found yourself in a real edge of your comfort zone place?

When you get stuck in a lift you never see it coming. You’re either day dreaming or chatting away as the elevator travels to your floor, or not…

…all of a sudden you realise “we’re not moving!”

Has this ever happened to you? Were you alone?

Even though you thought you heard whirring sounds, felt the movement and the most obvious clue – saw the floor indicator going up or down. You didn’t! And you hadn’t moved an inch. So what would you do… go straight for the alarm or try a few buttons first?

This happened to my colleague Sue and I recently and we tried the buttons first before we started screaming. Surprise, surprise; none of the buttons worked. The alarm button did! If only you could picture me now pressing the button with my thumb almost going through the panel. We waited patiently and then nothing. Where was the friendly voice through the speakers to say “we are on our way to you now and will have you out of there is no time!”

Nothing.

We pressed the button harder and longer. Still the same result. Sue beat me to the punch line “Glad I’m not stuck in this lift on my own.” Little did she know, those were my exact thoughts too.

In reality, as long as we could remain calm, have enough air to breathe and speak to someone soon, we knew we’d be okay.

Sometimes several minutes can feel like hours! On this occasion, it was a long time waiting. But after 16 minutes the lift doors were prised open. “Thank God for that” was all we could muster apart from confirming our names and badge numbers. It was great to be unstuck.

Have you ever been trapped? Have you felt stuck with nobody there to help you out? It doesn’t have to be in a lift, many of us get trapped in life too. Sometimes you can just feel trapped by life, not sure whether to head north, south east or west. Where is your life compass pointing right now?

Just suppose you were trapped by your own thoughts because you were afraid to leave your comfort zone? Hey we’ve all been there, so don’t feel like you are being picked out specially. The thing is when you get stuck, trapped and even fearful of what to do next; it becomes easy to just go with the flow. And just be okay where you are.

Between you and me, I can remember the last time I used the phrase “maybe, it wasn’t’ meant to be” after I missed out on a fab job that was advertised at my firm. It was the perfect job; ticked all the boxes in what I wanted from my career and I had all the skills and strengths required. The interview went really well and the two week wait ended with polite “thanks but no thanks.”

Normally, I would take that set back as just one of those things but I really put a lot of effort into that application so it hit me quite badly. This “failure” knocked me for six. And it was a long while before I applied for another job. It is so easy to allow our discomfort to hold us back from functioning at our best.

One of the wise nuggets that I now carry with me is that staying in the game is never enough. You’ve got to be actively involved and always put in an MVP performance.

The other key that has served me well is having an accountability partner. Whether in family, business, sport or leisure I have people who will hold me accountable to my own standards. They have my permission to call me out when I’m not putting in an MVP performance and this has helped me to get up, on occasions I’ve felt like staying down.

So what are you like for getting out of your comfort zone? Do you need to be pushed or do you lead? Just like when Sue and I were stuck in that lift, it can be a scary place because you never know what’s going to happen next. And plus you start asking yourself the wrong kind of “what if” questions.

What if I screw up?

What if no one supports me?

What if they don’t like me?

My friend, be an ambassador for your own truth. And give yourself the permission to be the champion you were designed to be.

As Marianne Williamson so nicely put it “we are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.“

If things are “okay” or “fine” for you today, well it’s time for them to be “amazing” and “fantastic” instead.

Let’s make our lights shine for someone today!!

The world needs YOU to step out.

What will your response be to the call of greatness in your life?  Please comment below and I promise to read every single one!

Donovan

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com

Pain Management Centre For Dads – One Secret Every Father Should Know

By Donovan Grant

The pain of being a parent is good for you. Yes, you read that right. Pain is good for you.

Now before you flip the switch and move onto something a bit more “practical”, please allow me to expand on that.

In its simplest level, pain is a sensation we feel in our bodies that indicates we have been hurt in some way. A recent example of this was when I walked into my son’s bedroom in the dark and trop on one of his spiky metal toys in my bare feet. “Ouch!” That was pain alright and you may have shared a similar experience too.

You will know that pain can come in many forms; back pain, chest pain, headaches, etc; what we want you to focus on today is a type of emotional pain. With this type there are no cuts or bruises visible on the outside of your body, it’s all on the inside.

Many parents suffer the emotional pain of raising children every day. This may seem a bit drastic, but when you carry the torch to help a child to be healthy, safe and happy, this does takes its toll on parents. Now we all know that parenting is not meant to be easy. In fact anyone that wrote that book needs to change the title because even with the best children and all the resources in the world parents still worry about raising successful kids.

Have you ever thought that the more parents worry about children is the more children get annoyed with their parents. That’s right; while we are striving to give them the best possible start in life, at some point many children (most often adolescent teens) get downright annoyed with all the attention. Being an annoying parent is painful. Have you been there?

Now I will be the first to raise my hand as say “I haven’t got it right every time as a dad.” In fact let me just say out loud “I am not a perfect parent!” BTW, I have tried perfection before and it is definitely overrated. Do I hear an “hallelujah” or is that an “amen?”

Sometime we have to make decisions that seem to be in the best interests of our children. And some decisions turn out to be more painful that we imagined they would be. I remember sitting down with my kids for hours forcing them to “get it” when they were struggling with maths or science at school. And I’ve made sure they keep attending leisure activities rather than quit because they “find it boring now”. Oh have you ever innocently embarrassed your teen in front of their friends trying to be the cool mum or dad? Yes, I have done that too.

These little slip ups are painful moments and we can live to regret them. Why is it painful? Well the thing I’ve found in 22 years as a dad is that people change. You people change and yes, so do us older people too. Things that were once funny, amusing and interesting can become annoying to our maturing next generation.

What’s it like when you upset your teen without realising it?

This happened in our house a little while back. Just imagine the pain of hearing through your spouse that your teen daughter is not talking to you at the moment! “Your daughter is not happy with you.”

“What! Why?”

One whole day of communicating through my wife was a very painful challenge. But the worst bit was that I was not sure what I had said or done to cause this. When you know that this particular daughter is normally a lively ever smiling blessing to us all, she had to be in pain.

The analytical in me wanted to find out what it was all about. My daughter had never done this before and I just wanted to give her a big hug and soothe her worries.

Mum’s investigations discovered that “dad has been annoying me” “and he’s not giving me enough room to prove that I can do what I say”, “he should know better because he’s a coach!”

You can imagine the thoughts of a parent facing this dilemma:

Was that how it seemed to her?

I was only trying to help?

Maybe I have been a bit too hard on her

How can I help her to move forward without being the annoying dad?

That evening was a very reflective one for me and I deeply considered what I could do to help. I sat and wrote a list of things including asking if she needs my help, giving her more space, trusting her to follow through on homework assignments, treating her as a mature young adult and not my youngest daughter and the list went on.

But the thing that bugged me most was not being able to talk to my daughter that night. The idea came to me to write her a letter. It was one page to my dear daughter and asked for forgiveness, and expressed the belief and love that we have for her. It also reminded her that “mum and dad only are only doing what we can to help you be happy and successful.” I placed the letter on her pillow so she would see it before going to bed that night.

The next morning, her smile and energy had returned and we were speaking again!

Parenting can be painful and so can growing up be painful too.  My suggestion is to simply remember that each person has feelings, happiness, joy, fears and all the rest. Let’s keep this in mind and be open to new ways of raising our families for success. So what's the secret? Your children need you!

From my heart to yours,

Donovan

What do you think? Are you investing time in managing the parenting pain? How do you use pain to help you? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com  

Fatherhood: Learning Life Lessons In Parenting

By Donovan Grant

“It’s a boy!”

Our son Emmanuel turned 10 years old last week. He was born less than a year after my father passed away. And with two older sisters at home, a boy in the house meant a lot of changes for us. In fact, our parenting skills were going to be stretched in a big way.

It’s was one thing with the new type of nappies, different clothes for boys as well as the toys that stimulate little boys. But you know what; that wasn’t the main thing… It became clear that this little boy’s was going to turn our whole parenting style upside down.

Mind you, when already have an 8 and 12 year old, you’d think you already knew enough about parenting. With 12 years of on the job training that’s exactly what I thought. The only thing was no one had given Emmanuel the script. Our success formula didn’t work anymore!

Have you ever had someone just change the rules without informing you about it first?

That’s exactly how it felt.

It wasn’t quite as bad as going back to step 1 of fatherhood, but this little guy helped to write a new script. He has definitely had a big hand in changing the last 10 years of my life.

Here are three lessons that I learnt from Emmanuel for going beyond being a good dad and becoming a great father.

#1 Testing the boundaries

Have you had a child that loves testing all the boundaries? If so you’ll know how it feels? “Can I just have 10 more minutes of TV?”, “can I have three shredded wheat?” or “can my friends come to our house to play?” When a child has a constant spirit of asking question, it can pose challenges for parents. If the answer is “yes”, that’s okay. But if the answer is “no”, then that often when the fireworks start. “Why not?”

If your son or daughter is anything like Emmanuel you’ll know that a fully qualified answer has to be given or else you may find yourself in a spot of trouble later.

So what has the boundary testing taught me? Well boundaries generally tend to contain something or to keep other things out. They can also be an indication for a level of progress that has been reached and needs to be surpassed. It only when we talk to our children that we discover why they are look to test their boundaries. It’s our job to find out why.

What would it be like if you saw some boundary challenges as a sign for us to lean in and listen closer to what our children are saying (and not saying)?

#2 Stick to your word

We make promises with our children everyday. “We’ll do it tomorrow”, “we can try that later” or maybe even “you can have a go next time”. Let me share a little secret, to a growing child, these throw away comments are all a firm contract! It may keep them quiet and content today, but children will come back to you for pay back.

You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been held to account because “I’ve not stuck to my word.”

It’s interesting to think of the many times where I have had to ask myself out loud “did I really say that?”

What I learned here is that it is best to assume that all children have photographic memories. As soon as they are born they start recording stuff just so they can play it back to you some day! Let’s be aware of one thing: You will get called out on your promises sometime.

#3 My time is not my time

After a hard day at the office don’t you sometimes just want to go home and put your feet up? This has been a feeling for me many times. The world of commuting into London and doing a 9-5 has too many stressors to mention.

The thing is, when we get home there are these little guys and girls who haven’t seen you for 10 hours and they want some of your time. Please write a note to self, your time is not your time.

Yes, you may have mail to open up, bills to attend to or you just need some peace and quiet. But, they need you and it pays to attend to them.

I remember coming home and jumping straight onto the PC because I had a deadline to complete an assignment for my coaching diploma. My goal was to get the work done and send it off to the training centre ASAP. But I forgot the “my time rule” … “Dad, can we have a game of number snap?” … “Dad, you promised yesterday that we can play today” … “Dad, all you care about is your studies and you don’t care about me!”

Talk about attitude adjusters. That sure got my attention. You know I truly think that God has made it so our children help us to grow to be all that he designed us to be as parents.

The last time I faced such a barrage of reminders from Emmanuel, I learned that my time is to serve in the best way possible. When I help a child, I serve myself too and I have learned how to manage my time even better.

In fact I have now shifted “my time” slot to later in the evening when Emmanuel has gone to bed. This has worked very well and we are back on track. Do we still have challenges with “my time?”  Absolutely. We just manage the challenges as they come up rather than leaving them to grow into big old dragons.

The development of the child is so important and parenthood is one experience that helps to shape your family’s lives and even the wider community. It’s only when you live, breathe and even mess up as a parent that you really earn your stripes.

Let’s all become the best parents that we can be!!

Your friend and parenting advocate

Donovan

What do you think? Are you investing “my time” into your children? How have you changed because of lessons that you learned as a parent? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com 

4 Tips To Help Young People Settle Into Their First Career Role Quickly

By Donovan Grant

Does your son or daughter have concerns about starting their first job after their graduate degree? While many young people are struggling to land their first job, many are also have problems settling in. It seems that it’s never easy growing up.

Before you jump him and tell them to just get on with it, check out the three following tips to make sure that they are using all the tools at their disposal.

The thing is this- when you start a new job there are so many things to get use to; the environment, the people and all the rules that go with it. So much change in a short space of time can make for a very challenging time.

Now if you’re a little older and not new to the world of work you will know what it’s like to be the newbie. It can be a very strange feeling for a few weeks. But let’s spare a thought for young adults who are starting their first ever job. This makes it a who different matter.

Just imagine a 21 year old young lady fresh out of college after graduating in Computer Science. After three tough years studying, being responsible for her and probably living away from home, she now has to go to work in a large IT firm in Central London. Unfortunately, she is finding it very hard to settle.

Now some people might say that this is just a continuation of her growth, but university life is a long way from being a member of the work force. This is a truth that a lot of young people are finding this transition harder than they thought it would be.

In parenting we don’t always realise the impact a new job can have on your daughter or son. Some may mention the problems they are having but most are likely to suffer in silence rather than raise alarm bells. They don’t want mum and dad to fuss over them.

It may surprise you to know that for many new starters, there days are split between excitement and dread. What seemed like a great job, salary and benefits can turn out to be quite hard to get used to. If it’s any comfort to your son or daughter it’s worth reminding them that “you are not alone! And it will get easier”

And in all honesty, by just being there for your child it is one of the best that a parent can do at this time. Giving your child the reminder that firm hired them because they were the best person for the job. They need you!

The situation will of course be different for each and every new starter. But whoever they are, my best heartfelt wishes are sent to them.

So what are some good ideas for helping your child to get through their first 100 days at work? Well here’s four simple yet effective tips that every mum and dad can share with their young adults.

#1 Be willing to ask for help

It’s easy to fall into the worry of how many questions is enough to ask. The thing is, while they are new and learning there is bound to be a lot that they don’t know. Depending on what the role is there are bound to be manuals hanging around, so they need to get used to knowing where these are and how to find what’s in them. But even if they are in a highest paying career, if all else fails ask someone who knows the answer. Then get them to explain how to go about finding the answer themself.

#2 Take opportunities to meet new people

Most firms have got networks and cliques of people who know each other well and meet up regularly. In amongst all the ‘secret groups’ there are many great people who enjoy meeting and sharing with others. They need to take every opportunity to introduce themselves at training sessions, meetings and when people show up on their turf.

#3 Smile at everyone you meet

This may seem a bit weird at first, but a smile may be the first thing that a new colleague may see. A smile is like laughter; it is contagious, so they will find that people like being around hem or are interested to meet the new person with the lovely smile.

#4 An affirmation to remember

Remind your young adult to repeat this often "they didn't hire you because you already knew the job completely…they hired you because you are the best person for the job." 

It probably takes most people at least a year to be comfortable in a new work or any environment. Remind your child to be patient, keep plugging and and know that this too will pass. And before they know it, they will wonder what all the stress and worry was all about!!

Let’s raise our young people for success!

Our best wishes go out to you and your family.

Donovan

What do you think? What do you do to help prepare young adults to represent themselves fully in the work force? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com 

Dear Parents: A Letter To You In Faith

By Donovan Grant

In today’s adventure we’re going to share about the importance of faith.

Have you ever noticed who gets the most respect and the most satisfaction in life?

If you look closely you'll notice it's not the spectators, it's not the whiners and it's certainly not those who think that they have missed out on their chance to succeed.

Those who accomplish much in life have been men and women with the faith and desire to achieve. The people who recognise that faith is a basic right as well as a strong ally to have.

And because of that these people are willing to face up to and even test their comfort zones. They're willing to accept change and try things that have been a terror barrier to them before.

The women and men who reach the top in their area of work or play are the ones who act with faith. They stand firm under pressure and take risks the doubters would be too scared to dare.

So what do we mean by faith?

Faith is… "responding to a challenge in a way that others may see as brave, but is necessary to successfully handle the matter at hand."

This step of faith is not based on proof; faith is like an inner guidance system for any given situation.

It requires good awareness of your surroundings; it requires self-belief and shrewdness and faith also involves taking chances. And you know what… when you decide on which direction to take, faith prays that you take action assertively.

Now faith does not mean being careless, impolite or inconsiderate to others. We don’t want to adopt these characteristics at any time at all. Faith is just a zesty word that delightfully describes bravery.

And why is this? It’s because in today’s challenging times bravery and confidence need to be at the heart of any successful plan.

In fact Martin Luther King Jr said that “faith can give us courage to face the uncertainties of the future.”

Remember this- faith is not a legacy you inherit! You have to sense from deep inside that you already have the strength and resources you need to live a successful life.  

Faith however is not easy as it will call for you to make tough decisions and move forward for what you believe in.

Let's be clear, we need to be unbending in topping up of faith. By assessing your personal growth and following through on your goals you are bringing clarity, energy and vitality to your body, your mind and your spirit.

So when will your magic moment come and how will it appear?

Do you think it's going to come without a real act of desire, commitment and faith?

And how will you show your faith in your performance today?

Your challenge for today is to act with faith in every possible opportunity. Stand tall, wear a smile and act with complete belief and expect that things will go your way. Whether you’re talking on the phone, in a meeting or giving a presentation share your purpose and ideas with faith and certainty.

When you act with faith over and over again, you will far outshine others who do not. The power of your faith will help you to forge ahead today and everyday beyond what you have previously thought was possible.

In your efforts to be successful in life… always remember that life is a journey, you are the driver and whatever situation comes your way, you have the choice what meaning you give to it.

Let’s live with faith every day!!

Donovan

What do you think? Leave your questions and comments in the box below.

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com 

Want To Be An Even Better Parent? Here’s A Tip

By Donovan Grant

Does someone you know talk too much? You know the type of person who has always got something to say about anything. And what’s worst about it is that they often interrupt you when you want to speak.

How does it feel when this happens to you?

For most of us, when someone interrupts us in mid-sentence we tend to let it go. But every now and then we put our stake in the ground and say “hey I haven’t finished yet!” This works sometimes, but unfortunately there are some people, who just can’t help them selves.

After catching myself interrupting a few times last week, it made me realise that we all do it from time to time. It did get me thinking, “I wonder what it’s like when a parent does this too their children on a regular basis.”

Just imagine the scene where a teenager comes rushing in from a hard day at school and they start to share some great news with you. Then you being the wise old parent, butts in before they finish and tell how them a similar story you had when you were their age.

How often do you finish your children’s sentences? Now let’s be clear this is not about ‘teaching granny how to suck eggs’, the thing is that we don’t always realise that we are doing it.

When a parent has a habit like this, it does have some negative effects; you can lose a bit of the respect and love that your children have for you. Another thing is that it takes up takes a lot of your energy to keep jumping in like that. What does that mean? Well thinking for yourself is one thing, but when you start thinking for your children too this can be draining for you.

If you think again about the teenager coming home all excited, it could easily be your own joy, love and enthusiasm flowing out. But could you be stepping on their enthusiasm without realising it?

There are of course other situations where your teen has fallen short of the home rules. They try to give you an explanation and you shut them off without hearing the whole story.

By doing a quick Google search this afternoon, it seems that this is a common occurrence from many teen perspectives. Now we all know that teens are going to be biased about us parents, don’t we? However, could it be that we parents just have an innocent habit? We do not intend to annoy or upset our children; it’s something we by accident because we love them so much.

Okay, here’s a question to ask yourself….”Do I give my child a fair hearing?”

The answer will be private for you, but remember this- To a teen a fair hearing is a chance for them to try to show that they are growing more responsible. It gives them the chance to show they can be trusted to make decisions. It builds their self-belief when they know that mum and dad are willing to listen to them.

One key of grooming our children for success in life is sharing the art of conversation. Even in this digital age that we are in, people connect with people. How our children communicate and interact with others will have a big say in how successful they are too.

So when you have a quiet moment and you ponder… does my teen share their news with me anymore? If the answer is yes, that’s awesome. If not, then maybe something has caused them too close down the channels. Can they be opened up again? Yes they can, but it will take some work and plenty of patience.

There is no genie in a bottle for parenting, but here are 3 tips that parents can use every day to help keep in communication with their teens are:

If you are able to follow through and practice these tips over the coming weeks, it will make a big difference in your parental conversation. It may even feel like you have stumbled into a temple that held the keys to the secrets of the parenting. The best bit is that your teen will once again look sharing with you because you are a great listener.

It's a blessing to be able to share with you and serve you every day! 

Donovan

What do you think? Now it’s time to join the discussion with your thoughts about communication with teenagers. Leave your questions and comments in the box below!

Donovan Grant is a coach, mentor, blogger, speaker and IT professional who brings his wisdom of parenting for the last 21 years and coaching clients through the stages of raising youth and empowering leaders with life lessons that are changing generations.  He is a passionate and committed leader who believes that we all have the ability to help to change someone else’s life. Actively doing so as a catalyst for many years he teaches how to live a life of success, balance, integrity and fun, whether at work or at play. www.donovangrant.com